“I’m just gunna give it a shot and say what I think you’re actually thinking: there are new things going for you, and you know they’re all good but you’re still afraid. All these things that you’re already tied to, you just said you know it’s bad but you’re afraid to cut out these ties because that’s all you know, and you don’t want this new thing to be another let down….”
“I just don’t want to be disappointed again. I don’t need another disappointment.”
“But I don’t think this will be a disappointment. I think this can work out. It will work out if you just let it.”
I’ve been beating myself up because I just insist on making things more complicated than they really are, because I know, the solutions are simple. I’m sad or upset so I should do something that will make me happy; or think of things that can make things better. Those are all so simple, but they aren’t easy. There’s a difference.
Either way, I want to get better. I need to get better.
I need a change.
I’ll do better, and it might take a while and it’s going to be really hard but I promise I’ll try with everything that I have.
I’m walking around fighting with myself; I’m jumping from one quick fix to another and I can’t figure out how to put my mind at peace. I have everything to lose and I’m struggling trying to hold on to everything I care about.
I don’t wanna slip; I don’t wanna lose.
I don’t wanna keep this all in. But no one can help me anymore. And I don’t want to fight anymore.