It's all simple here

“then on the shore
of the wide world I stand alone, and think
till love and fame to nothingness do sink.”

it’s been so long. 

it’s been over a year.

and it’s all still so fresh in my mind. 

all the yelling.

all the words that tore at my flesh; all of it that ripped away at my insides for years.

i won’t forget; i can’t forget.

the constant battles in my mind; i’m in a war against the mirror,

everyday i see everything i don’t want to be.

i’ll always hate myself.

i will always be scared.

i will always think twice about stepping onto that front step.

i will never forget…because you made sure i don’t forget,

that you’ll always be above me; that you’ve been right all along.

i’m nothing; i’m worthless.

you warned me about all the bad things that people will do to me…

but you, you will always love me…and you’ll always be all i have.

you are the reason i am the way i am.

did i grow up the way you planned?

I built all these walls; I had my guard up from the very beginning. But it didn’t take very long to happen and I still can’t explain but I fell for it; I fell for you. But the time wasn’t right and you said we can’t be together so I said, okay. Something inside me broke, but you smiled, so I did too. 

But now I can’t go through my days without hearing from you; every song reminds me of you; all my thoughts, they all lead to you. And I know it hasn’t been very long, but you were the first to tear down those walls and before you, I stopped believing in fighting for love…and you came along and somehow I’m ready for war. 

So, I know you’re busy planning the things you want to do, but just don’t forget that you kissed me today.